We have kind of found our way into a routine of normal life since then. We do not talk often about my coming out or what that means for us as a family. I still harbor a lot of anger against them for not wanting to accept this part of me. The other day I noticed that they both have the books from the ex-gay ministry on their night stands. I picked up the book titled "Someone I love is gay" and began to read what they are putting into their minds right now.
Here is an excerpt from a random page I turned to:
"It's not uncommon for your child's friends to have some church attendance in their background, as Darren's mother discovered one Saturday afternoon. Darren's homosexual partner, Mark, stayed in the car (as usual) while Darren went into his parent's house to get some winter clothes stored in the attic. Soon Darren came back out, announcing, 'Mark, my mother wants you to come inside.'
As Mark walked in the front door, he heard the tune of a familiar song. Darren's mother was playing an old hymn on the piano, and soon Mark found himself humming along. In the following months, Mark visited many times, even joining some hymn sings around the piano with Darren's family. In time, Mark renewed his commitment to Christ and left homosexuality.
'I always resented Mark,' Darren's mother confessed later. 'But that day I saw him sitting out in the car and felt the Lord prompting me to invite him into the house.' She had no idea of the profound impact that her kindness would have on the future course of Mark's life."
another excerpt from this book reads:
"I didn't like the way Rick related to my son...On the other hand, I felt relieved in some ways. Tony seemed more content. He was no longer 'out on the prowl' in homosexual bars or dangerous gay areas of nearby cities. With a steady partner, his risk of AIDS infection seemed lower."
When I looked at the publication date of this book it was 1996! 1996, I was 15 at the time of this. So much has happened since then. Gay rights, images and views as a societal group have changed so significantly since then. It is like reading a book about women's rights in the '50s or the role of African Americans in the '60s. I am so scared for what my parents are putting into their heads during this incredibly formative and important time in our relationship.
We are going to sit and talk this weekend...
2 comments:
Hi: If and when you do talk to your parents about the "ex-gay" movement, you might want to show them some Youtube videos and the websites of Wayne Besen and Peterson Toscano, and how destructive they found the "ex-gay" "ministries" and "therapies" to be. Below, are some sites, including some very good Youtube videos that you might want to share with your parents, if you think they would be of help. My very best wishes, Jerry Maneker.
These sites might be of help:
http://www.truthwinsout.org/
http://www.waynebesen.com/
http://a_musing.blogspot.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1tJi5Xs-BM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2PLPyKmtas&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kPo7KGj1OE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mipHOuE7UZ4&feature=related
Found your blog on a search for "ex-gay". It's difficult to know what to say in any given situation.
I can give some info on the mindset of ex-gay groups: they view homosexuality in a way that is greatly at odds with how actual gay people view it. "Leaving homosexuality" for them means trying not to engage in homosexual sex. That is all it means. Poorly informed people, like your parents by the sound of things, aren't made aware of this by ex-gay groups, and are subtly encouraged by the ex-gay propaganda to think that what they're offering is a complete "cure".
Another difference: sexually attracted to people of the same sex doesn't mean "homosexual" to them. You only become homosexual if you "choose" to become one and subsequently engage in homosexual sex. What everybody else calls "homosexual" or "gay", they call "struggling with same-sex attraction", as if it's merely a kind of mild and unspiritual urge that would just go away if you learned how to deal with it probably. The possibility that a "same-sex attracted" person can be both sexually and emotionally attracted to the same sex in the same way that a heterosexual person can be sexually and emotionally attracted to a member of the opposite sex simply doesn't exist in ex-gay ideology; same-sex attraction is about sex. Period.
Anything else? It's difficult for anyone to claim that they are better than they are better than their partents at something, but I think the reality here is that you do know more than your parents about homosexuality (or same-sex attraction): you have a direct and personal experience that they will never have.
They may want you to speak with someone from the ex-gay ministry.
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