Reevaluating expectations...

I have not written for over two months! It is not because there has been no movement in my life, my thoughts, my relationships, it is because I have been overwhelmed with the fullness of life, in the good and the bad, that I have not written.

The segment of thought that I desire to draw from tonight is attached to one of the larger nuggets of my life and my thoughts recently. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the promised land that is Austin, at least in my mind. There is a great expectation for something big, something real that can only be offered by the freedom of unchaining heavy weights and leaving them behind. 

About six weeks ago, I had the great fortune of traveling to Denver to visit a dear friend and celebrate life with her. While in the city I realized my deep love for Denver that has been a part of my life since we would visit when I was younger. On this visit, I was able to fall in love with Denver from an adult's perspective, to see it with new eyes. I met people that would no doubt be opportunities for a community. I felt an energy that is rare and electric, causing my heart to awaken and ask "what is this and can I have more?". 

Among many of the things pondered, discussed and shared that weekend, we talked about the climate of Denver. Not the physical climate with snow and rain and sunshine, but the climate of the people that make up the stores and streets and homes of the city that stands one mile off the level of the sea.  Colorado, although not that much farther ahead than Texas, has some GLBT laws that protect the gay citizens of that state (they are few, but still...). I am positive that Colorado will be ahead of Texas on legalizing same-sex unions. 

My thoughts started to wander to the possibility of finding a city outside of Texas to meet my needs for community and a new beginning. For a few weeks it felt absolutely, purely perfect to move to Denver. The people are without question friendly as can be. I call this perfect thinking phase the honeymoon phase and I find myself here often when I am introduced to a new idea.

I started thinking about all of these wonderful things that I will do as I continue growing older: skiing in the mountains, spending time in our family's cabin in the Rockies, hiking, Boulder and much more. I found myself rating Denver vs. Austin in terms of the rights that gay couples are allowed such as hospital visits and relationship recognition. I had it in my head that the next place that I move will be where I end up. On a side, I do not believe that Denver currently holds these above mentioned rights for glbt couples. The thought more applies to the idea of leaving Texas for somewhere more progressive.

This didn't strike me as odd or even unpractical until about a week or two ago. I had spent some time with a large amount of people that I care for from Austin and was thinking about how much I want to be near them. I thought that it was unfair that these people could not be in Denver and that it was a shame that Denver could not share a lot of the attributes that I love about Austin. It started becoming clear to me that Austin is where I want to be right now.

Though there may be some issues with laws and homosexuality and strong bigotry, Texas is where I want to be for now. The need to make a decision of where I am going to be for the next 30 years is unnecessary right now. I don't need to worry about my hospital visitation rights of my partner until I actually have a partner. These things are still wildly important and I will continue to fight for them here, where I am, but they should not be deciding factors in my move here at the age of 27!

Denver may very well be my endgame, or at least my next move, but for now, Austin is where my heart is and it is where my family (or at least those that truly seem like my family) is.